your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
