Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
