Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
