Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
