I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
