just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Shame is for Republicans.
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