What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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