I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she peed on how many people?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
