You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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