So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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