Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
