Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
