i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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