I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize