you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
