Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
