Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
