my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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