The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
