Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
