When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
