Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
