you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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