Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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