You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
