two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
