I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
