i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
