At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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