How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my liver is dry heaving
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize