ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
