420 ftw
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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