AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
