theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
