You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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