someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
