Ambien. No doubt about it.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
