I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's like a pop up book from hell.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
