Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
