At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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