Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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