so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
