I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
