2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
