I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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