He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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