okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
