it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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