I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
