they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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