I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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