Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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