On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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