I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
