Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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