So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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