How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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